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I blinked….

And now he’s 17!

I lay in bed this morning thinking about a similarly chilly morning 17 years ago. A cloudless day dawned to find me pacing my mothers living room, breathing deeply, terrified of what was to come. I remember my head spinning from the hundreds of questions I knew couldn’t possibly be answered.

I walked into my kitchen, after reluctantly dragging on workout clothes, to find him sitting at the table bent over his usual bowl of cereal. We met eyes, did our usual head nod, and my heart stuttered a little bit. Morning meetings like this are numbered and my momma heart knows it.

As he left for school this morning, still technically 16 for a few more hours, I smiled bravely and wished him a good day and a happy birthday. When he comes home to me, he will be 17. I’m not ready.

Today holds no milestones other than another year passing. But for me, it feels as if a countdown has begun. I hear a clock ticking in the corners of my mind. Each move of the hand symbolizes another minute he’s closer to beginning his adult life. The life I’ve hopefully trained him to lead.

His birthday hits differently than my other children. He is the first I’ve grown from scratch. The first flutters I ever felt. The first time I looked at another human and knew I’d lay down my own life for them. The first guy I’ve given my whole heart to for keeps.

With the countdown looming, I’ll treasure each moment of his youth that I can. He’s given us a run for our money this year, but, at the heart of him lies an amazing man with incredible potential. I look forward to watching that journey.

Happy birthday kid!

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