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Just don’t know….

What to do with myself!

There comes a time in ones life when they must face certain realities. Living in the upper Midwest means snow is inevitable at some point. Construction season is a year long occurrence. Pizza is good no matter what style you choose. My personal favorite though, you can’t please everyone.

As a recovering people pleaser, this typical reality is a hard learned one. At times when I thought I had made progress toward recovery, I learned I had simply shifted how I was pleasing others. Yes, recovery is a continual process.

For a large chunk of my life, I worked to ensure that everyone, my family especially, were both pleased with me and happy with everything I did. I fought like heck to be the absolutely perfect daughter, sister, mother, and wife. I did whatever anyone needed, when we they needed it, how they needed it done.

I bent myself into frantic pretzels ensuring everyone around me was pleased as punch. It was quite the exhausting existence. I ended up stressed out, secretly depressed, and always on edge. I’m honestly surprised the hubby stuck around!

It took time, loads of it, before I recognized my people pleasing condition. Nothing like a post argument breakdown in your driveway to shine a light on your issues! I had to take stock on what really caused me to hide in my bathroom sobbing like a four year old on time out.

As my ways of doing life changed, so did the dynamics of the my relationships with the people in my life. It was really interesting to see who took advantage of that disposition and who was glad to see it finally start to disappear. It was quite a shock to the system when I stood my ground and walked away not feeling like a failure (or like I might throw up).

More and more I find myself in situations where my people pleasing personality is put to the test. Do I give and acquiesce to the requests? Or do I stand firm and do what is best for my mental state?

Some days are harder than others. I still find myself wanting to immediately appease whatever request before me. Pouncing on the opportunity to please the person asking anything of me. Then there are other days where I say no and sit back and sip my tea in peace.

I’ve had to come to terms with the knowledge that not everyone is looking out for me. Those I counted as close were unabashedly taking advantage of my need to please. It is a hard fought internal battle being okay with someone else being mad when I say no, and standing my ground.

Life is entirely too precious and too short to spend it worried about pleasing everyone. It’s an impossibly that will drive you batty. And, if you’re a recovering people pleaser like myself, just know you are in good company when those who took advantage get upset when you say no. Sit back, sip your tea, and enjoy the feeling of knowing you did what was right for you.

At peace with my decisions

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